Realationship

I am definitely not a relationship guru. If I was, I would probably be in a relationship. Yet I've chosen to create an event and project dedicated to empowering communication within the realm of dating and relationships. In doing this project, who I am is the possibility of positivity, love, and communication. I want my friends and loved ones to have access to full self-expression, with neither self-doubt nor bullshit attached. I want my friends to let go of the silly 'rules', stories, and whatever else gets in the way of powerful communication. I want the world to have exquisite relationships.

Should I call? I should call. I can't say that, he'll think I'm this or that. I shouldn't have said that! I should wait until date #3 to kiss. I can't believe he kissed me on date #1. He should ask me out first. I want to ask him out. Should I ask him out? I'll freak him out. I'm freaked out. I don't want to hurt his feelings. He'll hurt my feelings. None of this is real!

While the possibility of my project gives me excitement bubbly goosebumps, I feel disempowered. I'm dating, sure, but the idea of spitting out my hopes and dreams is borderline terrifying. Sometimes I feel like I've been conditioned to believe there is a 'right' time, place, and moment to communicate certain things. A part of me now is resisting to delete this blog post. To hell with it. If I want this project to touch, move, and inspire those around me, I better get comfortable in the face of vulnerability.

Dating can be a divine, fun, and organic journey, but the impact of not expressing your hopes and dreams only hinders one person - yourself. Dating isn't complicated (right?), yet so many of us make it so.

I want to have a delicious and exquisite relationship with someone who lights me up. I want to laugh until I can't breathe at the movies with this person. And travel to foreign places. I want to make-out in the grocery aile and double-date with amazing friends. I want to share ideas and make compromises. I want to shake shit up in their world and create special moments, in the moment, together. A togetherness. I want someone to stand for me and my greatness, even on days when I feel tired and weak. I want to be great with this person on the rainiest of days. I want to wake up ten years from now and think damn how lucky are we? Simply exquisite. 

I don't know where my project Realationships will take me, but I know that if I continue to bare all then it will take me somewhere great.

"Commitment is what transforms a promise into reality. It is the words that speak boldly of your intentions. And the actions which speak louder than the words. It is making the time when there is none. Coming through time after time after time, year after year. Commitment is the stuff character is made of; the power to change the face of things. It is the daily triumph of integrity over skepticism." - unknown, but shared by my other-half Nadine

Ready, Set...

The minute I touched down in Melbourne, 22 something hours later, I hit the ground running with emails, to-do's, and of course special people and places to see. Side note: is it weird that it felt so good to switch on my iPhone and make some phone calls? What's the word for crackberry when you're an iPhone user? ...let me know, because that's me. As soon as I opened the door to my apartment, I felt calm, safe, and settled - home. 

With no signs of jetlag, I promptly made a tea, dumped the contents from my suitcase, and enjoyed a hot extra-long shower before making my way to the office. Boom! Back at it. If you're wondering how I skipped out on jetlag, the answer is this: no-jet lag (magic pills), litres upon litres of water (literally), and jumping straight onto Melbourne time. Once at your destination, taking melatonin for the first couple nights helps a great deal as well. 

Since being back in Melbourne, I feel energised and ready for the what now? Where am I stopping myself from achieving my goals and what isn't serving me? Goal setting, vision creating, and self-development can be a funny thing. Sometimes it's easy to get carried away in the process, feel bogged down in 'seriousness', or stopped when the opportunity actually presents itself. In rewriting some of my goals and creating new ones, I remind myself that this - my life - is up to me. The best and most tangible thing I can possibly share is that responsibility begins with the willingness to be the cause in the matter. It's a context from which one chooses to live. 

With that perspective - cause in the matter! - I choose my life for the way it is and for the way I see possible. 

Hello, Melbourne. I love you. It's good to be home. 

Toronto, I love you.

The July heat wave is upon us, at least in Toronto. Everywhere I go, I sweat profusely. Sticky sunscreen, eyeliner smudging kinda weather. I don't mind. While Toronto's humidity feels foreign to me, the city does not. Driving - windows down, music blasting - around town is familiar and effortless, as if it were summer of 09' again.

I'm visiting slash vacationing at home, first time in over a year, for approximately 16 days and time has flown. As it does. Come Monday, I will pack my things and fly back to Melbourne, Australia (20 + uncomfortable hours later). But this time it's different. This time I'm flying home.

home (noun) the place where one lives permanently, esp. as a member of a family or household. 

This definition doesn't suit me, for right now I neither live permanently in Melbourne nor Toronto. My heart resides equally in both cities, each connected to irreplaceable people and unique places. When I leave Toronto, it's never goodbye but instead a see you soon. The city may change with new buildings, 'cool' clubs, and award winning restaurants, but the core and life that it breathes remains the same. And that makes it home.

Dear Toronto, I love you. 

Thank you for being my home, and for keeping the people I love safe and extra-sweaty throughout this beautiful July. I may not live here 'permanently' ever again, but I will always know you like the back of my hand. You'd approve of me living in Melbourne, I just know it.

Yours Truly,
Jess ...True Torontonian turned Melbournian