Self Love & Satisfaction

I haven't been very nice to myself. Over the course of three months I've picked, prodded, and pruned my most important relationship of all - myself. What began as a clear plan toward healthy weight gain for hormonal balance, prompted an obsessed paleo-meal-planning-sugar-controlling-side-pinching freak. My natural ease and fluidity in the kitchen suddenly felt stifled, like a sudden and unfamiliar chore.
is that too much avocado? steak or chicken? Eggs, again? Shit. 

My passion for raw baking dwindled and post-meal satisfaction was close to nil. And to my absolute horror, when I went to slip into my double 00 little white short shorts... they did not fit. While I laughed with my roommate and moved on to a different outfit choice, in that moment an alarm went off. A judgemental siren, screaming one thing: you're not enough.

There was an obvious block, manifesting and growing on the inside. A sort of discomfort. Without wasting much time, I started to inquire and explore this unfamiliar feeling. On day two of my Urban Remedy detox (fantastic by the way, I'll share soon) my discomfort smacked me in the face.

I stopped listening to me. My self love and mindfulness went out the window. Hello Mr. Obvious. Did I congratulate my consistant yoga practice? No. Did I take time to sit and enjoy a stimulant-free (tv, computer, blackberry, reading material) meal? Of course not. Muti-tasking, people! And what happened to my evening walks? Oh ya, I forgot that I love lengthy walks.

I'm not embarrassed to admit that my self-love has suffered.

So, now what? Anything I want. I caught the drama, allowing me to invent something new. I want to whole heartedly love every inch of myself. I want to honour every delicious morsole and beed of sweat dropped. I want to create a space for others to do the same.

Inspired by both Dee Brennan from thinkoutloud and my talented Naturopath Johanna Clark, starting now (for 1 week) I am challenging myself to stimulant-free meals. No more running out the door, protein smoothie in one hand and blackberry in the other. Just me and my chewing for 20 whole minutes. Tonight I lasted 10.

But I seriously enjoyed the process, from start to finish. Baby steps. I said a little grace and honoured the perfectly ripe avocado, grilled chicken, organic spinach, sweet crisp asparagus, and zestful lemon. It was delicious. And I didn't even clean my plate. My hunger and satisfaction signals were switched on, for the first time in too long. 

I love my hair, it's naturally thick and voluminous. I love my wrists, they're dainty yet strong in downward dog. I love my arms, they're lined with beauty marks. I love my teeth, they're straight and white. I love my passion for health. I love my love for food. I love a lot of things about the world, and myself. I just don't acknowledge them often enough. 

We could all use a little more self-love. Today I am starting with mindfulness. And to me that is really satisfying. 

"Fear less, hope more; eat less, chew more; whine less, breathe more; talk less, say more; hate less, love more; and all good things are yours" - swedish proverb