Monday, February 4, 2013

Sound of a new start

I created this blog in 2008, whilst living in San Francisco, as a way to share my journey and keep in touch with family and friends. At the time, social media was on the verge of a tipping point. Status updates were crunched into 140 characters and metadata was a curious experiment. I was working for a start-up company, very 'silicon valley' like, and tweeting, flickring (until yahoo intervened) and fondling more Apple devices than my hands could hold.

Little did I know that my blog would evolve into a platform for me to share my love and ever-growing passion for health, wellness, and nutrition. Wheeee! Suddenly, my SLR camera was always in standby mode and within reach at the kitchen table. Tweet, then eat, no questions asked. What a blog snob. Every post was a delicious digital snack, releasing tension and refueling dreams every time I clicked "publish". Cut, copy, paste, like, save, share, type, preview, publish and so it went, something like that.

This blog has travelled around the world, gushing over my kitchen experiments (some #fails), wildest dreams, and romantic musings. Floating in the blogosphere, it's documented my digital footprint of joy, heartache, surprise, and fear. At times it has exploded with silliness or suffered writers block, caused by caring too much of what others might think - I can't post that, can I? People will judge me! Fuck it - just do it!

However, somewhere along the way, my blog lost its itch and desire to speak. Me, my blog and I,  have so much to share, but we're neither lit up nor inspired to share it on Forever Addicting anymore. I'm not inclined to consistently share recipes and don't feel like writing without a clear theme or intention, so what's a girl to do?

Create a new blog, that's what! On the brink of a move from Melbourne to Vancouver, it's time for a new start.

Thank you for reading, following, tweeting, connecting, and sharing your energy with me. Playing in the digital realm with you has been heaps fun (aussie, aussie, oy oy! I kid. Kind of). Catch you soon, somewhere, on a new .com wave.

All my love,
J

Hey,
Do you hear, do you hear, that sound?
It's the sound of the lost gone found
It's the sound of a mute gone loud
It's the sound of a new start
- A Fine Frenzy 

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Tap into the unknown

I haven't written here in what feels like years, let alone about holistic food, and in a way it has been. So much has evolved in my career (daily job love), health (hi, again, abs), and personal life (new relationship!) that attempting to summarize the past two months would only cheat you and myself from sharing the what's so, right now. And what better way to update the blogosphere with a juicy breakdown? (silent pause)...I agree, there is none.

My identity - a driven forward-thinking results go-getter of a planner - resists the unknown. You know, that sticky, uncomfortable, and sometimes dark place when something - an upset - happens and you're left with 'I don't know and can't see the outcome', which then leads you to run wild with scenarios and stories that haven't even happened. Maybe it's leaving a job, relationship, or receiving a rejection letter from your number one school; something you work to love, love to work, yearn and plan for.

In choosing my life in Australia, I'm faced with a hurdle in regard to working visas and growing with a company I love and adore. The specifics aren't important here, but what comes up for me is. My life and vision that I have and continue to create for myself feels like it's been stabbed with a pitch fork. I know it hasn't been, for I'm still living, but my upset bubbled until my identity broke down, along with a strong 'I'll figure it out, myself' attitude.

Naturally, my breakdown occurred after I woke up, ran, and achieved everything possible to feel empowered with 'answers'. I ticked off a massive list - reviewed budgets, scheduled appointments, cleaned, relaxed at the beach, exercised, cooked - but once my gorgeous roommate asked, 'how are you feeling today?'  I welted up with tears. I let it out for a moment, but then quickly pulled it together so I could barbecue some chicken (I'm a tough chicken. Oxymoron intended). Then once my best friend called, A, blinking my tears turned into blowing my nose in between sobs.

In the face of an upset, I am scared of the unknown. And that's life. If I wasn't faced with upset or fear, then I wouldn't be playing a big enough life. Tapping into this state - this feeling - has and will open a world of possibility. I just can't see or feel it yet. And that's life. My best friend, N, sent me this quote yesterday, which couldn't be more perfect;

"Uncharted territory in your life is not good or bad, it just is. Yes, it may rattle your foundation, and you may be tempted to pullback, say you can’t do it, or bail completely. But these are exactly the conditions that set you up for massive growth, joy, and new experiences in your life."

It just is - no more, no less. The last time I felt a mixture of fear and sadness in unknown territory was almost a year to date. The timing is absolutely perfect.

And after rubbing my eyes with my sticky-smudged-mascara fingers, I am smiling. Because when I stop to breathe in a moment of silence, it's a little more clear. In letting go of my tightly-knit plan, the amazing people in my life and the universe will guide me through the unknown.

"There is set-up in the upset" - a very special and beautiful yoga teacher. In this special upset, I'm letting go, even more, and trusting others, even more, to help me figure it out. The more I tap into the unknown, the bigger and greater my world becomes. And that's the life I chose to live.

Sunday, July 29, 2012

Realationship

I am definitely not a relationship guru. If I was, I would probably be in a relationship. Yet I've chosen to create an event and project dedicated to empowering communication within the realm of dating and relationships. In doing this project, who I am is the possibility of positivity, love, and communication. I want my friends and loved ones to have access to full self-expression, with neither self-doubt nor bullshit attached. I want my friends to let go of the silly 'rules', stories, and whatever else gets in the way of powerful communication. I want the world to have exquisite relationships.

Should I call? I should call. I can't say that, he'll think I'm this or that. I shouldn't have said that! I should wait until date #3 to kiss. I can't believe he kissed me on date #1. He should ask me out first. I want to ask him out. Should I ask him out? I'll freak him out. I'm freaked out. I don't want to hurt his feelings. He'll hurt my feelings. None of this is real!

While the possibility of my project gives me excitement bubbly goosebumps, I feel disempowered. I'm dating, sure, but the idea of spitting out my hopes and dreams is borderline terrifying. Sometimes I feel like I've been conditioned to believe there is a 'right' time, place, and moment to communicate certain things. A part of me now is resisting to delete this blog post. To hell with it. If I want this project to touch, move, and inspire those around me, I better get comfortable in the face of vulnerability.

Dating can be a divine, fun, and organic journey, but the impact of not expressing your hopes and dreams only hinders one person - yourself. Dating isn't complicated (right?), yet so many of us make it so.

I want to have a delicious and exquisite relationship with someone who lights me up. I want to laugh until I can't breathe at the movies with this person. And travel to foreign places. I want to make-out in the grocery aile and double-date with amazing friends. I want to share ideas and make compromises. I want to shake shit up in their world and create special moments, in the moment, together. A togetherness. I want someone to stand for me and my greatness, even on days when I feel tired and weak. I want to be great with this person on the rainiest of days. I want to wake up ten years from now and think damn how lucky are we? Simply exquisite. 

I don't know where my project Realationships will take me, but I know that if I continue to bare all then it will take me somewhere great.

"Commitment is what transforms a promise into reality. It is the words that speak boldly of your intentions. And the actions which speak louder than the words. It is making the time when there is none. Coming through time after time after time, year after year. Commitment is the stuff character is made of; the power to change the face of things. It is the daily triumph of integrity over skepticism." - unknown, but shared by my other-half Nadine

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Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Ready, Set...

The minute I touched down in Melbourne, 22 something hours later, I hit the ground running with emails, to-do's, and of course special people and places to see. Side note: is it weird that it felt so good to switch on my iPhone and make some phone calls? What's the word for crackberry when you're an iPhone user? ...let me know, because that's me. As soon as I opened the door to my apartment, I felt calm, safe, and settled - home

With no signs of jetlag, I promptly made a tea, dumped the contents from my suitcase, and enjoyed a hot extra-long shower before making my way to the office. Boom! Back at it. If you're wondering how I skipped out on jetlag, the answer is this: no-jet lag (magic pills), litres upon litres of water (literally), and jumping straight onto Melbourne time. Once at your destination, taking melatonin for the first couple nights helps a great deal as well. 

Since being back in Melbourne, I feel energised and ready for the what now? Where am I stopping myself from achieving my goals and what isn't serving me? Goal setting, vision creating, and self-development can be a funny thing. Sometimes it's easy to get carried away in the process, feel bogged down in 'seriousness', or stopped when the opportunity actually presents itself. In rewriting some of my goals and creating new ones, I remind myself that this - my life - is up to me. The best and most tangible thing I can possibly share is that responsibility begins with the willingness to be the cause in the matter. It's a context from which one chooses to live. 

With that perspective - cause in the matter! - I choose my life for the way it is and for the way I see possible. 

Hello, Melbourne. I love you. It's good to be home. 

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